Apple Vs Knox

The first show we went to was at Sue Crockford, where Billy Apple stood at the door guarding the entrance to the group show like a kind of Cerberus with bad frames. Billy had made replicas of his painting that is showing at Michael Lett at the moment out of pvc. Good one Billy!

Later, when we'd arrived at the Seed gallery in Newmarket we were quite drunk. It was John Knox's time to shine. There was a Brando theme running through his work, and like the great journalists we are we queried him on it. He explained that he'd been reading a bit of Oscar Wilde and that he'd constructed a Wilde-like dialogue between two Brando characters. From superman to doctor Moreau. Unfortunately the place was too overcrowded with teenage girls and popstars to hear it, but it was top Knox stuff regardless.

He also said that he only wanted the 2 large Brando paintings in the show, but the gallery had pushed him into putting all this other irrelevant crap on the walls in between. It was nice enough stuff, but it detracted from the very Brandoness of it all.

Bad gallery. Bad.

outstanding in the field

Jagd says:
how was it tnight

Shorty says:
special - shit art, no ppl

Jagd says:
beer?

Shorty says:
the first one wasnt whitecliffe, it was some other gallery on the street

Shorty says:
lots of big shots, but aelphy was "out of his element" so he mademe leave!!!!! grrrrrrr

Jagd says:
beer?

Shorty says:
beer at special yah

Shorty says:
none at the other

Jagd says:
lame

Shorty says:
i was havinga fun

Jagd says:
so lame

Jagd says:
pretty girls?

Shorty says:
noOooOOo

Shorty says:
only kelly at special

Jagd says:
old ladies?

Shorty says:
lots of old ladies at the posh one

Jagd says:
little pooches?

Shorty says:
ic oudnt 2 who have tried to open the gift in the past

Shorty says:
counted*

Jagd says:
no luck for them on xmas

Shorty says:
well they shudda tried to catch me on hannukah

Virtual Art Gallery 001

In the off hours, when we aren't recieving Emails from those of you wishing death upon us for simply expressing an opinion, we like to procrastinate in an on-line virtual universe called Entropia Universe. The newest edition to our VU hangout is a city called New Oxford, deemed to be the city of culture on the planet Calypso. Here they have art galleries where you can buy real world pieces of art. At the moment there are four main artist who lecture at the virtual university.
This is Ernst Billgren, reknown real life swedish artist. He makes moose trophies that Madonna buys. This is a screenshot of one of his lectures.Here we are pointing to one of his paintings. We guess that this was a sort of an opening, in a way. Warning: There is no booze on Calypso, so the openings will be a little stale. But the art is pretty good.

We are not going to tell you how to get involved, no. That would be far too easy. You have to go there and immerse yourself in the virtual environment. We will be reviewing shows here from now on, as real life artists don't seem to be able to 'handle criticism'.

Sleep, Eat food, Have visions

There a five artists in this group show at Room103, but only four distinct styles of art, one style looked as though somebody had been into Seungs' studio and swept up all his leftover fibre-glass, then re-glued it all together and called it their own. So what happened to the extra artist? There's the guy with the art supplies, check. There's the perspex table with naturally aged office chair, check. There's the laquered drawings on the wall, check. There's the aforementioned Seung leftovers. Check. Where did the other one go?

Were we not struggling with alcoholism we would have gone to the opening last night, and our questions would have been pre-answered. But today there were no signs saying who did what or why. There was however some artyfarty fruity photocopy text on the door of the gallery, which said a whole lot of esoteric stuff about the artists' art.

Was the show good? We hear you ask.

Dunno, is our final answer.

Hours and hours

The time spent playing Alex the Kid in miracleland was wonderful and we wondered when our wunderlust had left, or if indeed it was right to begin with. There was a certain left brain right brain thing going on, but Luke Perry was indistinguishable from Steven Seagal, and that made it so much more disturbing. It was a one night show only, so you faggots miss out if you weren't in on it to begin with.

Soz.

Denny VS Austin

Simon Denny is a serious artist. He wears white pants and baseball jackets, and constructs things out of wood while people look on, keen for a glass of that chardonnay (gives you a hard-on, eh?)

Nick Austin is a male model. He wears grandma's glasses, has the smoothest skin and a natural glow. His art is flat and 3d at the same time.

Everyone crowded around the cramped cat-piss smelling room that is Michael Lett to watch Denny do his thing. It was like a big wood teepee with notes pinned to it. Then suddenly, when the 'performance' was over, everyone spilled out onto the street, and went up the road to starkwhite "a real art gallery" for some "proper" booze, and of course to see Nicks show.

Nick was standing in his room, talking to real artists about real art and what it's like to be an artist making art. The pictures/sculptures were on the walls not doing very much at all.

Starkers filled up, and no doubt the booze ran dry, but we got bored and left before we found out.