Tuesday, April 25, 2006

petr blk

Aah, yes IS IT ART remembers that mourning well when our offices were located in Grafton and we were awoken early one saturday to the sound of a howling lapdog. The lapdog was trapped inside the Jag with the windows wound almost up, save for the space of your fingertips. The lapdog, desperate for a puff of air in the musty sun rising from the east would dash about, as in in suffocation. However, everytime it moved the car alarm would sound off, causing us to rouse in the glorious sun. Hungoverheadaches in hand we stormed to the jaguar. The poor pooch was steaming up the windows setting off the alarm and generally having an unfortunate time in the fully uphostered mobile of sauna. It was then that we realised it was the Sir Peter Blake memorial in the domain. The owners of this jag and dog must have parked in early to get a good seat for the proceedings. What was the big deal with Blake? He bought in a lot of commerce to this country that left as soon as it had come (Actually, most of the money circulated was internal).

"Aah!" we exclaimed when we realised.

"This dog has been left to suffocate as sacrifice because P.Blake was killed by pirates!"

Of course it made perfect sense. So we called the SPCA, who wanted nothing to do with scratching a jag in order to save a poor wee pup, instead carefully laying a blanket across the westside of the car (keeping in mind of course, the fact that it was about 9am and the sun still rises in the east). After SPCA sadsack had gone for her morning coffee, we decided to take matters into our own hands. The window got smashed, the dog was set free and later rundown by a motorcycle gang on highway one. Everyone was happy and we went to sleep with beer in our hands and dreams simultaneously.


This sculpture 'Visionary' is available here right now. It towers at a massive 44cm, much bigger than your stupid snowglobe!! It is limited edition!!! 7 of 50!! By famous and notoriously competant sculptor Michael Weir!!! Celebrate the life of the man who was responsible for the death of a little dog!!! Celebrate the man who bought yachting mania to this little country!!! Buy it now to plug that hole where the shotgun blasts are springing water from your mantlepeice!!

Friday, April 21, 2006

Maritns' show

Well Martin asked us to review his show.

That was like asking us to review his shadow. We went to the bar he was not at. (The musketroom) and plyed our unemployed bad ass selves with booze until we found another show to go to at Starkwhite, where the booze nearly ran out had we not been such close friends to the beerwench, who, it came as a suprise only had wine.

The StarkWhite show looked as though Max Giblets had finally found a ruler and decided to be a painting and yet was not famous enough to be all humble and false bhudda-shit like. The rooms upstairs were like the hangover you get after you sleep with a whore, but with more plastic than miss matreidie, with a nice place to lie down after you'd been displaced (Displayed?)

Martins' sculpture is in the window of Ms Crabb on paunce-on-a-zombie road.

Just 54 short of 2000 views

--- Page Views this Week ---              
Hour 4/13 4/14 4/15 4/16 4/17 4/18 4/19 Total
---- ----- ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ -------
1 1 6 0 8 121 6 6 148
2 0 0 1 0 58 10 2 71
3 0 0 0 3 7 4 1 15
4 0 0 0 0 10 0 0 10
5 0 0 0 0 1 0 1 2
6 1 0 2 0 0 0 0 3
7 1 0 0 0 0 2 0 3
8 0 0 0 0 0 2 1 3
9 0 2 1 4 4 1 1 13
10 0 0 0 0 2 0 4 6
11 1 0 0 0 50 8 3 62
12 2 0 0 2 59 4 6 73
13 0 1 2 1 10 2 3 19
14 1 1 2 2 23 2 3 34
15 1 0 9 1 13 10 6 40
16 0 0 0 2 23 1 19 45
17 0 0 2 174 21 13 12 222
18 2 2 2 184 19 6 1 216
19 10 1 0 202 21 10 7 251
20 1 6 0 118 13 5 2 145
21 35 1 0 85 6 36 6 169
22 1 5 0 110 44 7 2 169
23 0 1 0 60 14 11 7 93
24 1 4 3 99 3 20 4 134
------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ -------
58 30 24 1,055 522 160 97 1,946
IS IT ART would like to thank the trademe community for all these hits. Keep coming back to check if we've ridiculed you yet. And don't worry, we'll get around to it.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006


like a bouncy castle from the future for adults. The more drunker we got, the more punishment we decided it could take. It Wouldn't break but it made one hell of a racket. It was made by this yankee guy that goes by the name of Ranger. Go check it out, it's fun and loud.

Great Rip-off Artist 004: Egon Sheile

Sheile was a student of Klimt from an early age and absorbed his style like a sponge. To combat the comparison, he didn't try to come up with his own style, he merely did away with the more romantic aspects of Klimt, like slickness and visual appeal. At some point he began to smear shit on his portraits of himself masturbating. Soon he began to pigment his shit and started doing landscapes with it, a whole town in brown, not unlike Van Gogh. At one point his school teacher, one Prof. Christian Griepenkerl told him "The devil must have crapped you into my class!"
After Klimt died in 1918, Sheile took over the mantle as the most important painter in Austria. He could have been a great great rip-off artist, had he not succumbed to the spanish flu, three days after his wife did.

Have a drink for Egon.

Monday, April 17, 2006

A juicy Puniho in the desert of Trade-Me

I think these paintings are beautiful.
They are all in thick oil paint on board, and are mostly quite small.
The attention to light and composition in these reminds me of the C18th century French painter Chardin, who also used the pictorial technique of placing the edge of the table in the foreground, as seen in this painting 'Dandelion in a green bottle'.

It is always nice when a painter really obviously enjoys paint. The thick globs and brustrokes that the artist has left shows their revelment in the medium, in a lovely understated way.

They are not going for nearly enough.
Go and put in a bid!

Go to www.trademe.co.nz and search for 'Puniho'

Finally, a painting I actually like!

Reminds IS IT ART of Gustav Klimt. Now he was a great painter!

WOW!! We started a whole movement (Of bowels)

"Please send a photo of just ONE eye ... and I will return to you a pencil portrait or interpretation of that eye! Just this once I will relinguish copyright on this auction.

The Photo is sample only and you get half of what is pictured here.


ONE: I do not LIVE in Featherston
TWO: THat was NOT Heather Locklear
THREE: It was not a laser print
FOUR: I do FULL portraits for those asking
FIVE: I find the theft of my photo for the reasons of defamation repulsive.
SIX: I hope the media reads the thread I have on you in the MB because of the other content you have on your site.

NEXT TIME YOU WISH TO DEFRAUD AN ARTIST - Please do it with more style than you did.

Okay, She's not from Featherston. And that is NOT Heather Locklear. Right?

As has been stated before, Art in the public domain is up to be critised. It's the rules. Ask any real artist.

We did not thieve your artwork. We took a Jpg. of your artwork. Would it be stealing it if we printed it out and started selling them at the markets? Yes, it would. We've stolen nothing. In fact it is MANUKAROSE(c) who seems to be garnering attention.

Also, you have stolen my intellectual property (though I imagine you'll disagree that there's anything intellectual about it) by posting it on trademe. You know what? Thanks for the publicity!

We were only complaining about how ridiculous we find copyright altogether. To be offended that we are offended by copyright is ridiculous, and you should be ashamed of yourself for being so damn sensitive.

We hope the media read this site too. Interesting day. And a simple "thank-you for making my artwork public, Mr. Kunst" would be nice too, instead of fanfare and hullabaloo.

Here's the thread, Thanks for pumping up the hits today guys!

[EDIT: thread had since been removed. We wanted to print it out and call it art. Or loo paper.]

Friday, April 14, 2006

Ease yer supplement

Well, Jesus stole our beer today so we thought we'd defame him with art.
Do you see satan? This was taken from Watchtower magazine. Read the conspiracy here.
We can't say anything bad about this, except that Jesus wouldn't have wanted us to go thirsty today, and if he were still alive we'd be getting drunk on a beach made of wine.
Is this one of those margarine sculptures? That's 62 foot of marg right there.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Two shows, one night.

On the way to 'Window' in the university library we were chased by the pigs. They must have seen our female passengers and been up for a bit of rough. Luckily shorty outran them. The art wasn't up to much, just a whole lotta crap that was visually unstimulating and would've taken too damn long to make. We stole all the beers and went to the next show.

At room 103, there was a lot of self-aggrandizing nonsense. Some homo had pasted pictures of himself on the walls and that was it. Boring boring, pathetic, waste of a good space.

Yes Yes We Know

This isn't supposed to be a political blog, but seeing how someone put ink to paper we guess it must be art. And the fact still remains: POLICE OFFICERS RAPE WOMEN in New zealand, in Uganda, all over britain, the United States, in China, and in fact all over the fucking world. When will we abolish the police and begin a crimewave?? At least then we will have some decent excuses.


Tuesday, April 11, 2006

We went on an office outing today. we all hopped in the bus and took ourselves to art.com to see what we could find. We found it worse than trademe, even. People were claiming such outrageous things as art- like this.

That is advertising!!!!!! The guy that did it may well be an artist of sorts, but that is blatantly advertising!! Somebody's got to set out some black and white rules!!!



Well, okay admittedly we came across that in the beer aisle, so we wandered along for a while, shouting about what was art and what was advertising and then we saw an item for $55US.
"No way. I think we should get out of this aisle. maybe there's a coffee house around here somewhere."
"Hold on, I want to study this thing closer."
"Naw...quit foolin' around. I see some fruit over there."
"Let's just get the hell out of here altogether, I'm bored and cold."
"Good idea, everybody back on the bus!"

Monday, April 10, 2006

A little bit of innovation

And we only had to wait A few days! Seriously, we love you guys.

From 5 April 2006, I have decided to start a VISUAL DIARY. All paintings will be made on A4 or A3 paper/cardboard/canvas and will depict an occurrence for that day. I promise not to stop this feature until the same time next year (365 art works in one year!!!!).
This is a great opportunity for collectors or any art lovers as all of these paintings will have NO RESERVE.

And the occurence for the day was that in the dark, 6 cats piled up on top of one another to form a kind of pyramid that alluded to beds.

Are we right? Did we get it?

We'll be watching.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

No trade winner this weekend

And perhaps for all time. Don't get us wrong, we aren't about to run out of jokes and snide remarks, but trademe has just about been exhausted as far as art goes. We've seen enough Sun kissed nikau dytich tryptichs in gold red and green, the prices rarely vary, we know what to expect from each artist and artist group of the regular contribution variety. Monotonous landscapes. A painting of the beautiful westcoast. Yawning ourselves to death as we wade through the horrors, just trying to find that diamond in the rough.

Time for a nightcap.


Just in case you hadn't seen Britneys' giving birth statue from this angle (it really is the most profound piece of art so far this year). Here it is. This is the angle the artist didn't want you to see. Unfinished, see?

Friday, April 07, 2006

Considering the vitriolic last post, IS IT ART thought we'd nice it up a bit with this fantastic leadlight of a bullrider. The artist made this light from an original painting that they had done of the same subject. We wish that the other was there for comparison, but sadly no, and it's not the point. Starting bid:$1000.
If you know anything about leadlighting, you'll know that this is a bargain. Go here and buy it now.

Trademe in the morning

Partial Portraits for you!

Manukarose(TM) is a [NON]featherston based artist who will do you a partial portrait from any photo you send her, provided it's not offensive or blurry. Just take a gander at this pencil work of [NOT]Heather Locklear (Made famous in the film Return of the Swampthing). Yep, send her your own photo, and she'll just draw the eyes and be done with it. But that's not all! She keeps the copyright!
What's the fucking deal with copyrights?Why is everyone so damn uptight about them? If IS IT ART wanted a company portrait done, and we bid the $25+ to get it done, it should be our right to use it as we please. Once you hand over the original artwork to the person who ordered, purchased, and is the very subject matter of, you should take your laser copy and your money and fuck off. No-one wants to steal your damnable art! In Hollywood movies artists don't have copyrights, they have laserbeams that force you to swing down from a gap in the skylight. And that's the standard of value now, Not a little C in a circle. Get over yourself, Manukarose(TM).

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Maori's aren't nazi's

Buy this wonderful pillow to compliment your collection of homemade Mausers, P.38's and MP40's. A civil war is on it's way and you best be prepared for a good nights sleep in the foxhole. Although non nazi affiliated designs can be ordered to accomidate your taste, how will the enemy know where you're coming from? In an hour and a half it can be yours for a mere less than $25! Bid now! Bid soon! A great war is upon us, y'hear?

Tuesday, April 04, 2006


Ooh nasty. It's tough to be alive, isn't it? That's why we went and plied ourselves with blood red wine at artstation where some exclusively select Gothic artists were exhibiting. It was just what you would expect from goths.(By the way, they don't like to be identified as goths, OR artists, but they'll happily exhibit with other artists who are goths.)
In the serious art dept. this lady plied herself with art, her class was learning how to apply a protective coating so that your acrilic rendition would last forever.
It looks like a skull, but ti's a baby in a pram. Really.

This guy had hands like the penguin from Batman2, and eyes like Patrick Bateman.

Actually, the interesting part of this show was the platter that was served. Cheese and pig. After one hour the cheese began to sweat, and after 2 hours all the cheese the people had eaten began to ooze from their pores, and a morbid sense of death hung in the air. Upon three most hours the stench of morbid death hung itself down the stairs like a funeral curtain and we could smell it outside, the pungecy rising above that of our own death inducing cigarettes. One young man was to write his thesis on it. We proposed: Vinyl underpants + leather chaps=sweaty mix (or sweaty micks, depending on how subtle your sense of humour is.)

Monday, April 03, 2006

Not really a winner

"1.22 metres. What a statement" is the supposed title of this far too large painting. It has no bids, no reserve, and it's going for $345. What could the statement be?

'I have too much red, black and yellow paint', perhaps? Or
'I have too much canvas', maybe? Or
'I have too much time on my hands, and I need to get a job", possibly.

Or even "I am looking for a buyer with a large office in a high-rise on Queen street who has very little taste and a disposable income."

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Unknown trade me winner

I tried to symbolize that as a people we are hugely dependant on technology, technology that in the future will be deemed archaic, and what is known to us now as the new age, will become tomorrows relics of a past attempt to better our way of life.

Not only is it a bad painting, but an idiotic sentiment as well. The point would be better put across with a cave painting in France that had to be dated with carbon testing. A word to the unknown artist-get a job in the IT industry, you're taking up space here. Or go and pull a hoe across dusty barren unyeiliding soil and do a painting about that. The very fact that it is being sold over the soon to be antiquated internet raises our eyebrows in dubiousness at the integrity of the piece. He/she asked for some comments as a first time 'exhibitor' and this is what they got:

Well done Ross! Welcome to the world of art!! Cheers, Sher
It is great to see an innovative and fresh artwork on here !! Love it.....a serious theme but you have also retained an element of playfulness.... an adventure on canvas !! Smiles - Paulette
WOW!!! Awesome piece. If I win the auction is pick up ok, thanks.

Ugh, all these kudo's are making our heads spin. We'd like to make it known that IS IT ART has a policy of not commenting directly to the trademe artists, so as not to lower ourselves. If they want to read our review, they can come here and see. This 'awesome piece' is currently going for $1.50, less than the price of the gas it would take to go and pick it up. Similarly, you could buy a tube of blue paint, a tube of black paint, and a tube of red paint. That'd set you back $15 at least. Then there's the canvas, thats another $10. You could buy some blank CD's for three bucks from Dick Smith if they were on special. In fact, you could make this yourself for less than $40. But why go do a silly thing like that when you could just buy it on the internet for $2?

Go on.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Weekend trade winner

A pair of couple is the main motif of this oil painting. The lovers are in the hearty clinch. The artist employs high skill to express the beauty of power and strength,bringing a mysterious atmosphere.

Closing in an hour and a half is this rather grosteque painting of some conjoined twins, seemingly connected at the crotch and simultaneously at the wrists.

Bids so far:30

but get there quick and you may be able to snatch it up for less than $60!

Ponsonby fringe festival

There was supposed to be a dogshow, but we got bored and left long before it started. Probably about halfway through the seven year old kids all dancing in a line to bad dumb techno music. Before that wa a lot of polynesian drumming, but you could just tell that those guys weren't really into it. We managed to swindle some free juice from that douche, Marc Ellis. The trees had pink fabric wrapped around them, which is pretty stupid if you've got a whole lot of dogs turning up for an event. The biggest, most visible thing in the park was the redbull tent. The cultural festival at potters park was much more well organised. In short, disappointing.